12 years ago
Friday, January 22, 2010
Change
I'm feeling a little bitter tonight, so I think I'm going to switch up the look of our blog and try to pull a little something positive out of things. Let me know what you think.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Time Spent
I had a dream about Mr.Nygaard last night. It was vivid and comforting and everyone was there. I thought I'd share.
The setting was interesting, because there wasnt one lick of sand or desert in sight. It was a restaurant. The restaurant was set on the edge of a cliff on the ocean. What was interesting was that most of those types of restaurants are set up very high on the rocks or a cliff. This was right down on the water. You could look out of a window and see that there was maybe only 20 ft between the bottom edge of the restaurant and the water.
If you looked out to the sea as you walked into the restaurant, that would be the largest wall facing the ocean. It had high backed seating made out of weathered wood with enough seating for about ten people, they were very large spaces. You would normally see large windows in a setting like this, but here, there was a solid wall. Soft lighting and a huge solid wall. As a matter of fact, there was only one window in the whole place. Walking in, if you looked to your left, on the farthest wall, there was on old weathered wooden bench. It was built into the wall and sitting so that if you were on it, you could look out of the ten by ten window there. The view was of another cliff off in the distance with water crashing against the rocks. It was cloudy and a little gray, but beautiful, and you could see as far out into the ocean as your eyes would let you.
Once you walked in, you couldnt go straight to that bench with the window. Nor could you walk straight through the room. To the right of the bench and filling a half moon shaped portion of the room was an old wood fence and some cash registers with no one at them. As a matter of fact, there was only one order window. And one person in it. Right next to the bench. It was an older woman with ratted out reddish hair and a dry smile. She was behind the wall that was what I assumed to be the kitchen, and she never came out, only up to the window to take your order.
Back to getting in to the place.....As you walked in, you had to walk by every table and booth. There werent many tables, and they were empty. But the booths, oh man, the booths were packed! Packed with everyone from high school. As I walked in, directly to my right was the percussion section, the winds, the brass and so on and so forth. It was like a reunion of sorts and everyone was talking and happy. Even with all of the talking though, it was comfortably quiet. As I got close to the side of the room where the bench was, the people filling the booths were people I knew and as I got closer to the wall, people I am closer to. They also began to be a little emptier. Not for lack of people, but almost like it was an area just for us. I passed Connie and her friends from high school, Melinda, Jolie, Angela, and then one with De and her mom and dad. It was a long wall and there were a lot of people there.
The booth all the way in the corner was empty, but the next one was filled with the Mout family. Everyone was eating, laughing and having a good time. I was told that they were all having dessert, and indeed they were lol. Everyone had hot fudge sundaes and chocolate frozen yogurt with remnants of dinner scattered here and there. I was handed a menu and told that the french dips were really good. There was a chair across from their booth, so I sat down in it and began to look at the menu. While I did that, I could hear someone faintly talking back and to my left. I didnt turn to look yet, but knew it must be someone on the bench because there were no booths on the wall where the window was.
I saw a lot of things on the menu, which was a simple two page deal, but for some reason, I could read anything except for what had been suggested to me. I figured that that meant the french dip was indeed, pretty good. Someone from a table near me said, "It's your turn". I'm not sure how I knew, but I knew that this meant it was my time to go to the order window. I got up, turned to my left, and here's what I saw: It was about a 25 foot length of area. The fence was to my left and with enough on the other side of the fence to fuzzily block my view of where I had originally walked in at. At the end of the fence was the window with the red headed lady, ready to take my order, with almost no expression.
Below and to the right of the window as you looked at it, was the bench. It stretched from the corner edge of the order window and the bottom edge of the glass window. Sitting on the bench was Mr. Nygaard. Smiling. I thought that this was unusual for a second, because he only saved that for when he was pleased lol. He was talking with someone I didnt recognize and they were asking him a question. As he answered he stared out the window. I dont know why I didnt go right to him on the bench, but I felt like I knew the other persons turn was close to over, so I went and ordered my food. The lady said nothing to me, just wrote down the order and turned to give it to someone I couldnt see.
When I was done, I turned to look at Mr. Nygaard, he was looking at me smiling and said, "Michelle, why dont you sit down with me for a minute while you're waiting?" I knew this was my turn. That was everyone's turn. A chance to sit and talk. See a beautiful view. With him. It was my turn. I felt instantly sad. He looked out the window and said "Incredible view isnt it?" I looked out as I noticed I was sitting as close to him as I could and saw the view. Waves were rolling out in the ocean, huge storm clouds were everywhere. Not the really dark ones, just the different shades of grey, moving at a moderate speed. The cliff in the distance was very high and the water crashed off of it as though Mr.Nygaard had conducted them to do so at just the right moment.
As hazy and dreary as it might have seemed in waking, now, it seemed peaceful and beautiful and well, perfectly orchestrated. He was still looking out the window when I asked him why he had to go? He told me that he didnt want to take anymore medications and he had stopped taking them altogether quite a while ago. I have no idea if he has actually been on any. He said that he missed his wife and that he felt he had finished what he was meant to do in life. I disagreed, and he laughed, again catching me off guard. He turned to me with a huge smile and I couldnt help but wrap my arms around him. I hugged him really tight as he told me that he was proud of me and how I had turned out in life.
I could feel a few people watching me from around the room. I wondered if they had gotten their 'turn' or had a chance to order? He pulled back from me a little and said that he was ready and that he was going to be ok. He was content and asked me, "Cant you feel the calm?" And I could. The whole room had felt happy and peacefully content from the moment I walked in. We stood up and he grabbed both of my shoulders as if to square off with me a little. If you know Mr.Nygaard, he used to do this when he really wanted your attention, amidst many other things lol. He said again that he was proud and that he was glad he had gotten to spend this moment with me. I hugged him again and told him that I loved him. After a moment, he turned and sat back down on the bench and continued to gaze out the window with a peaceful and happy look on his face.
With tears streaming down my face I heard the red headed lady tell me that my order was ready. I took my food and walked to the empty booth, now realizing that it was probably empty for the person who had just finished their turn with Mr.Nygaard. To eat and cry in peace. I ate quickly and when I was done, the Mout's told me to sit with them to eat dessert. I sat and saw other people, one at a time, have their moment with him. He looked like complete peace. Everything got kind of scrambled at this point and I started to wake up. Maybe it seems a little silly, but I felt like I got one last moment with him. I think I'm going to post this on FB now, but I'll probably clean it up, spell check it and re-post it again later.
The setting was interesting, because there wasnt one lick of sand or desert in sight. It was a restaurant. The restaurant was set on the edge of a cliff on the ocean. What was interesting was that most of those types of restaurants are set up very high on the rocks or a cliff. This was right down on the water. You could look out of a window and see that there was maybe only 20 ft between the bottom edge of the restaurant and the water.
If you looked out to the sea as you walked into the restaurant, that would be the largest wall facing the ocean. It had high backed seating made out of weathered wood with enough seating for about ten people, they were very large spaces. You would normally see large windows in a setting like this, but here, there was a solid wall. Soft lighting and a huge solid wall. As a matter of fact, there was only one window in the whole place. Walking in, if you looked to your left, on the farthest wall, there was on old weathered wooden bench. It was built into the wall and sitting so that if you were on it, you could look out of the ten by ten window there. The view was of another cliff off in the distance with water crashing against the rocks. It was cloudy and a little gray, but beautiful, and you could see as far out into the ocean as your eyes would let you.
Once you walked in, you couldnt go straight to that bench with the window. Nor could you walk straight through the room. To the right of the bench and filling a half moon shaped portion of the room was an old wood fence and some cash registers with no one at them. As a matter of fact, there was only one order window. And one person in it. Right next to the bench. It was an older woman with ratted out reddish hair and a dry smile. She was behind the wall that was what I assumed to be the kitchen, and she never came out, only up to the window to take your order.
Back to getting in to the place.....As you walked in, you had to walk by every table and booth. There werent many tables, and they were empty. But the booths, oh man, the booths were packed! Packed with everyone from high school. As I walked in, directly to my right was the percussion section, the winds, the brass and so on and so forth. It was like a reunion of sorts and everyone was talking and happy. Even with all of the talking though, it was comfortably quiet. As I got close to the side of the room where the bench was, the people filling the booths were people I knew and as I got closer to the wall, people I am closer to. They also began to be a little emptier. Not for lack of people, but almost like it was an area just for us. I passed Connie and her friends from high school, Melinda, Jolie, Angela, and then one with De and her mom and dad. It was a long wall and there were a lot of people there.
The booth all the way in the corner was empty, but the next one was filled with the Mout family. Everyone was eating, laughing and having a good time. I was told that they were all having dessert, and indeed they were lol. Everyone had hot fudge sundaes and chocolate frozen yogurt with remnants of dinner scattered here and there. I was handed a menu and told that the french dips were really good. There was a chair across from their booth, so I sat down in it and began to look at the menu. While I did that, I could hear someone faintly talking back and to my left. I didnt turn to look yet, but knew it must be someone on the bench because there were no booths on the wall where the window was.
I saw a lot of things on the menu, which was a simple two page deal, but for some reason, I could read anything except for what had been suggested to me. I figured that that meant the french dip was indeed, pretty good. Someone from a table near me said, "It's your turn". I'm not sure how I knew, but I knew that this meant it was my time to go to the order window. I got up, turned to my left, and here's what I saw: It was about a 25 foot length of area. The fence was to my left and with enough on the other side of the fence to fuzzily block my view of where I had originally walked in at. At the end of the fence was the window with the red headed lady, ready to take my order, with almost no expression.
Below and to the right of the window as you looked at it, was the bench. It stretched from the corner edge of the order window and the bottom edge of the glass window. Sitting on the bench was Mr. Nygaard. Smiling. I thought that this was unusual for a second, because he only saved that for when he was pleased lol. He was talking with someone I didnt recognize and they were asking him a question. As he answered he stared out the window. I dont know why I didnt go right to him on the bench, but I felt like I knew the other persons turn was close to over, so I went and ordered my food. The lady said nothing to me, just wrote down the order and turned to give it to someone I couldnt see.
When I was done, I turned to look at Mr. Nygaard, he was looking at me smiling and said, "Michelle, why dont you sit down with me for a minute while you're waiting?" I knew this was my turn. That was everyone's turn. A chance to sit and talk. See a beautiful view. With him. It was my turn. I felt instantly sad. He looked out the window and said "Incredible view isnt it?" I looked out as I noticed I was sitting as close to him as I could and saw the view. Waves were rolling out in the ocean, huge storm clouds were everywhere. Not the really dark ones, just the different shades of grey, moving at a moderate speed. The cliff in the distance was very high and the water crashed off of it as though Mr.Nygaard had conducted them to do so at just the right moment.
As hazy and dreary as it might have seemed in waking, now, it seemed peaceful and beautiful and well, perfectly orchestrated. He was still looking out the window when I asked him why he had to go? He told me that he didnt want to take anymore medications and he had stopped taking them altogether quite a while ago. I have no idea if he has actually been on any. He said that he missed his wife and that he felt he had finished what he was meant to do in life. I disagreed, and he laughed, again catching me off guard. He turned to me with a huge smile and I couldnt help but wrap my arms around him. I hugged him really tight as he told me that he was proud of me and how I had turned out in life.
I could feel a few people watching me from around the room. I wondered if they had gotten their 'turn' or had a chance to order? He pulled back from me a little and said that he was ready and that he was going to be ok. He was content and asked me, "Cant you feel the calm?" And I could. The whole room had felt happy and peacefully content from the moment I walked in. We stood up and he grabbed both of my shoulders as if to square off with me a little. If you know Mr.Nygaard, he used to do this when he really wanted your attention, amidst many other things lol. He said again that he was proud and that he was glad he had gotten to spend this moment with me. I hugged him again and told him that I loved him. After a moment, he turned and sat back down on the bench and continued to gaze out the window with a peaceful and happy look on his face.
With tears streaming down my face I heard the red headed lady tell me that my order was ready. I took my food and walked to the empty booth, now realizing that it was probably empty for the person who had just finished their turn with Mr.Nygaard. To eat and cry in peace. I ate quickly and when I was done, the Mout's told me to sit with them to eat dessert. I sat and saw other people, one at a time, have their moment with him. He looked like complete peace. Everything got kind of scrambled at this point and I started to wake up. Maybe it seems a little silly, but I felt like I got one last moment with him. I think I'm going to post this on FB now, but I'll probably clean it up, spell check it and re-post it again later.
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