Horses

I wasnt sure about what I was going to blog about until just this very moment. I'm laying in bed next to Jen and watching Last Samurai.

Horses.

I dont know how many of you know much about horses, or have ever gone for a ride, but it is my peace.

I love a lot of people and things in my life that I love dearly. Hopefully anyone reading this will understand when I say that horses are my 'peace'.

I've been riding since I was three years old. We lived in San Diego and I already loved horses. I'm sure that I was born just looking for one. When my mom married my dad, he began to take me to a little stable in Ocean Beach (of all places), called Martial Scotty's. Now, this was heaven for me. They had three rings. The first was for beginner riders and the ponys never went faster then a walk, you were strapped to the saddle and you were basically in a live ride with rails on either side of you and the pony.

The second ring was for when you were 'movin' on up' and knew a little more about how to stay on. No more straps, the rails widened out a few feet, but were still close in case anything happened. The third ring was the coup d ta if you will, the brass ring for a five year old lol. Wide open ring, no boundries and these ponys were movin'! You could walk, trot, lope, whatever you wanted to do, and you could go, wherever you wanted to go within the confines of the facility.

I eventually moved on to 4-H, FFA and other realms of farm animals and ways to get to ride. I trained and showed dressage. People watch that and think it looks simple, but it's not. You're basically 'talking' to a horse with every muscle in your body so that you dont 'look' like you're doing anything but sitting there. It's exhausting and beautiful. I actually had the honor for a short time, after moving to the bay area, of training with Gail McGuffey, an Olympic gold medalist in the sport.

Back to my explanation on 'peace'. Think of the one thing you can do, when the world is falling apart, you're at your wits end, you're absolutely empty, that gives you a space to breathe in, if you will. You dont think of anything else going on in your life, no matter how bad things are, you're there. You're present and you have that time, to just be. Nothing gets in to that space.

Horses are my peace. I can go ride, maybe not even ride. Maybe just brush, wash, walk, whatever, a horse, and I am in my own world. It's me, the horse, and utter, complete peace. Nothing gets in, and, unfortunately, nothing gets out. My father told me growing up that I had a 'gift' when it came to animals and that he wished we had more money, because he'd never seen anyone so in tune with horses. Now, I'm no horse whisperer or anything, but I do connect well and on a different level with them.

I almost cant put in to words how I feel when I ride. I can literally tune out anyone and anything around me. I feel, complete, easy, soft, rhythmic, full....I could go on an on. I guess the best way to put it would be to say that any word related to a peaceful feeling, would be it. The love and connection I have for horses is the same in strength as it was when I was a child. I dont know that many of us can say that about a lot of things at our age.

The first horse I ever owned personally was Hollywood. He was a Thoroughbred rescue racehorse. He was beautiful. I was able to get him shortly after moving to the bay area. Unfortunately, my ex was half owner and out of bitterness, made me sell him after we split. I enjoyed my time with him though and I thought that I'd share a few pictures with you here. I'll have horses again one day. Until then, I'll find my peace wherever and whenever I can :) I miss you buddy.

Twilight, Jacob's hot, and here comes New Moon...

Dear Stephanie,

My little sister got me hooked on the Twilight series. I've read them all but the last four chapters of the last book in about two months. I'm trying to make it last as long as possible. Yes, I know that Midnight Sun has a little teaser online, but it's not enough. Stephanie Meyer, you've ruined me. Seriously. I'm in love with a werewolf named Jacob and I just dont know if I can go on if you dont finish that next book. Please dont make me come to Arizona to picket your home. I know that your friend stabbed you in the back. Let me read the next proof. I would never treat you like that. Just take it into consideration, ok? I have a life to live and can you really live with knowing that you're making it more complicated?

All of my love,

Michelle aka; The one Jacob's saving himself for

Maine and the dilemma it reminds my family of...

Hi everyone. Hope that all is well in blog-land as well as IRL. Addison did me a huge favor and slept last night. Not once I went to bed lol. She went down at 7:30 and was up at 8:30, but, once she went to bed after that, she slept until 6:30. Not bad considering how it's been going. That, however, is not tonight's topic.

Neither is Maine, really. What happened in Maine is tragic. More tragic because it was another example of give it and then take it back. It's like we have state's who are being made to look like indian givers as we used to say in elementary school. (I hope no one finds that offensive) What I mean is, you get one brave and good hearted politician to stand up and make gay marriage legal. Then, you have those nasty little whispering in the shadows voices to convince another group of politicians, to put it to a vote. Now, I understand, and believe in, the power of the people to vote and have their voices heard. What I don't believe in, are smear tactics. I feel strongly about the divisive and deceitful way that our opposition runs their campaign.

And, to those people who say that they support gay marriage, but in their voting do not, I lump you in with the previous and say 'coward'. I know people who do not believe in gay marriage, and I respect them for at least having the balls to say so.

This awful situation though, is really not my topic entirely. Moreover, it's my family's personal decision on where we want to spend the rest of our lives and raise our children. Maine, just reminded and really brought some points home.

We've been going over this decision for the last couple of years. We're giving ourselves until Addison is ready to start school to make the decision final. This may seem like a long time, but in reality, it is not.

The places we want to live, are as follows, and in no particular order:

Oregon
Washington
South Dakota
Colorado

Here are what these things have in common:

Friends, great schools, beautiful areas, good home prices, great economy, opportunity, places we really want to be.

Here is what they do NOT have in common:

Equal rights for gay and lesbian families, recognition of our family, positive gay and lesbian environments for our children, job protection for gays and lesbians.

Our number one pick, would be South Dakota. People cringe when we say that, but, the truth is, that's where all of our family is. Minus my sister, who we would fly out or invite to live with us in a heartbeat. She's the only one who makes it easy on us about living there. And, if you're close to your family, and are speaking your truth, dont we all want our children to grow up around our family? We really want the kids to grow up near their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, and, %99 of them, are in South Dakota.

Believe it or not, we've been really well received there. Even in the church where Jen and her family have been going for years. People whom Jen's family thought would be unsure of the whole 'lesbian' thing, have welcomed us with open arms. It's really been a surprising and eye opening experience.

It's beautiful there. I mean, unbelievably beautiful. And, I admit, I LOVE snow, and there's a lot of that. It's a nice, quiet (other then rally week lol) mid-western place where people's kids still get to play after dark and trick-or-treat door to door. Property is ridiculously well priced and it would be easier for us to get a home there. I could go on and on.

Now, the downside of South Dakota is, there are no employment protection rights for gays and lesbians. Yes folks, if they find out you're gay, you can be fired, and no one will bat an eye. There is no protection for your children. There is no protection for you and your wife or husband if one of you ends up in the hospital. And so on and so forth. Nothing, nope, nada. Do we take the risk of something like that happening? Being suddenly out of work or in an insurmountable situation?

There are, however, gay and lesbian rights groups in South Dakota. I was really surprised by this when Jen found it all online. My job from here on out is to make contact with them, talk things over and see how good and/or bad things really are there for family's like ours.

It's one of the most difficult decisions I think either one of us has ever had to make. Children need to grow up around family, we're both firm believers in that, and we, honestly, need to be closer to the family who are there. So, the research will go on, the job searches will go on and we will continue to ponder.

Oregon and Washington are pretty much the same for us in regards to job protection and family recognition. We both have friends in both places. If I had to pick (dont be mad my dear Washington friends), I would pick Oregon over Washington. My uncle had a ranch in Klamath Falls there growing up and I would go there during the summers to work on it. I love it. It's beautiful, it's right up our creative alley. Jen and her amazing photography, and me and, well, whatever I want to do. The only difficulty with both, is that neither of us have employment connections there. In this job market, you have to have network connections, and neither of us have that.

I think our family would thrive there. I'll have to let Jen post her own opinion. Colorado is a good option for us, because it puts us close to our South Dakota family, is fairly liberal, or at least just on the cusp of some really good things, and is just as beautiful as the rest with some really great schools.

What I'm really getting at here, is this. If we can be given our rights, and within the same year, have them taken away, does it really matter where we are in regards to that topic? Or, do we, as Jen stated about South Dakota, go, to be close to those we love and miss, and join groups there who are fighting the good fight in order to maybe bring about change in that state?

I dont know what the answer is. I know that we have some personal guidelines we need to meet before we make a final decision. We want to have a certain amount in our savings, have jobs before the move, a place to live depending on which area we choose, and a few other little things. That, is all I know. Oh, and that I'd love to hear some honest opinions on what people think and what they might do in the situation. Love to all :)

Sleep Issues

I had really wanted to post on my feelings regarding what happened in Maine and all of the gay marriage stuff floating around right now, but I'm way too tired. I'm going to bed early tonight to recharge and promise you a hot post on that tomorrow. So, now, I will chat briefly on sleep issues.

Many of the mamas I know are having sleeping issues with their children. And children of all ages. From 3 months to 3 years. It doesnt leave me feeling hopeful. No. It doesnt.

Our big sleep issue right now, other then at times having a 9 month old who wakes like a one month old, is going to sleep at night. We read that Addison may possibly be going through some separation issues, especially at bedtime. No shit. We have had the same routine since we brought her home from the hospital, and, when we travel, wherever we end up, we try our best to keep that routine. So, routine isnt it.

The nightly routine is: dinner, time with Mommy J after work, bath with Mommy J, bottle with a little rice cereal, a little cuddle and burp and then nigh nigh's. Lately, the nigh nigh, has been a nigh nightmare. We put her down and she has a fit. I'm talking a full blown, tears flowing, lungs blaring, face turning red and splotchy, boogers flying nightmare. Now, she is teething her top two teeth. And I'm telling you, these suckers are huge, but we try to take care of that with a little extra something in her bottle and a little somethin' on the gums.

No dice, she's just miserable. The other night, we ended up bringing her to bed and letting her fall asleep between us, which, really, neither of us minds at all. She was super cute and sweet and at least she slept. She moved a lot though. A lot. Add the dog at the end of the bed, Jen's work wake up time as 4:15am and you've got an equation for low quality sleep. On all ends I think.

I'm not a big napper, or at least, I didnt used to be. If I get good sleep at night, I'm prime for the day. Up and ready to go. Lately, I've felt exhausted. I feel like when she goes down for a nap, if I can get her to sleep for more then 20 minutes, that all I want to do is go to sleep or just sit. Just sit on the couch and let my eyes fall. However, it seems like anytime I put my head down, she's awake. I dont know if she senses that I'm about to get a little rest, or what, but she's up. She also hates to be put down. She's really really really attached. This is fine, most of the time. However, at the moment, with 20 minute naps, or no naps at all and up at ungodly hours in the morning, housework to do, meals to cook, in general, it does not bode well for me.

Lately, I am pretty much still in the same boxers and t-shirt that I woke up in when Jen gets home. My workouts are suffering. Badly. My hair isnt getting done, I never put on shoes or socks (not that I'm too into shoes anyway), getting a shower in seems like a treat, makeup never makes it to my face and I basically look like a zombie, waking or going to bed. I floss a lot, which may end up being my saving grace.

I'm kind of tired of looking for answers right now. I'm sure that this is only because my exhaustion levels are peaking, because otherwise, I'm looking under every rock to find a solution. So. To all of you tired mommies out there, here's to you. Here's to me. Here's to going to bed at 7:22pm because we were actually able to get her to sleep after an hour and I really dont know when she's going to wake up. I hope that all of the other non-sleepers out there, give you a little peace tonight. Love to all....

Facebook Lifestyle

Today's post is more of a question then a post.

How has, if at all, Facebook affected your everyday life?

Facebook came into our house towards the end of my pregnancy with Addison. Jen loved it, but I didnt want anything to do with it. I was really enjoying my blog and reconnecting with people through it. It pretty much met my social interaction quota while stuck in bed for six months.

A few months after Ad was born, and after a lot of encouragement from Jen, I created an account.

I really enjoyed it at first. Anyone who knows me knows I fell in love with Mafia Wars. Lame I know, shoot me, what do you want? Lol. I reconnected with a LOT of people I havent talked to in years, or just havent been able to locate. It was interesting how much old information Facebook was able to get off of my computer, that I wasnt even able to. But, each time I logged on, there was another group of people Facebook had located through information on my laptop.

It was fun. I'm an avid cook/baker and I found people I connected with when it came to that. I was able to talk about recipes, post about cooking which is my geeky fun.

I've been able to post and share pictures of Addison, see other people's families, be curious, nosey or just catch up.

It is consuming to a point though. Thankfully, I do NOT have mobile Facebook. I'm not FB on my phone yet. Maybe I wont be at all. Not for a while anyway. I dont find it consuming in the aspect that I feel like I have to post all of the time, I just want to see what everyone else is doing, who's talking about what, see new pictures, play Mafia Wars, tend to my Farm and on and on and on.

I found that if you're away from Facebook for more then a few days at a time, you feel like you missed an hour and 45 minutes of a 2 hour movie. You're so behind lol.

As much as I protested it in the beginning, I have to admit; I like it.

That is, I DID like it. Now, it's just ok. They decided, as I guess they do with all products, that it needed some 'improving'. The improvements suck and I really hate that you dont get photos, updates etc all in one stream. All I can do for now is go back and forth and hope that someone comes out with a new Old Facebook application.

I dont do any of the other apps, Twitter and whatever else might be out there. I blog, I Facebook and I check some email.

I'm curious though. How do you like Facebook, do you use it, how has it affected your everyday life?

***CAUTION*DANGER*IMMUNIZATIONS**DANGER*CAUTION

Hot button of the 21st Century? People think they know what it is. Let me tell you a couple of things....

Political - I am a Democrat and think that Obama is the leader that this world and nation needs right now. He cant do things overnight, so I find it sad that just because he didnt find the 'insta-cure' people were looking for, that now they're saying he's the wrong man for the job. Bullshit.

Religious - I believe in God. I believe that there are higher powers and strengths around us that we can only imagine exist. I however, do not subscribe to religion nowadays. I feel that people who offer themselves up as 'religious' often come across as the most judgmental people I've ever met. Doesnt seem very Christian-like to me. I feel that there are good people everywhere and if they're positive, good energy people, I really dont give a crap what religion you are, or, for that matter, if you're not any kind of religion.

I've just listed two topics that are supposed 'hot button' topics, that you're never supposed to talk about with friends, at parties, or other social events. However, I think really, in the grand scheme of things, that they're nothing. Nothing but idle chatter compared to talking to strong mamas and/or miscellaneous people about immunizations.

I am surprised at how quickly people who like and support each other, will go toe to toe when it comes to this subject. I've seen Facebook postings on the subject quickly go to close to a hundred comments of back and forth opinions. People posting thoughts and condemning other people for what they think is right or wrong about how another is treating their child.

It really has become the topic on which, I shirk at conversing about or making comments on. Not that I'm afraid of anything mind you; but I enjoy the mama community and everything involved in it.

Now, I know some tough and strong mamas, some of the best ever. I believe that these mamas have the right to do what they think is best for their child. It seems wrong to me that anyone, especially other mothers, would chastise them, for doing what they feel is right. Opinions are one thing, imposing your will and choices are completely another. Mother's support for one another should be unfailing. Information should be shared, not fed with a fork (yes, I meant to say fork). I also think that on the flip side of that, all of us as mothers, should be open to new information and glean from it what we would like. Turning your nose up at any information as a mother is like saying you've got all the answers, and I'm pretty sure that no mother does.

Immunization. So prevalent nowadays. When we 30 somethings were kids, it wasnt even questioned. We got our shots, like it or not. It was a different world. And now, we're in different times. I dont know that I ever heard a parent question the safety of an immunization or the after affects of it. Not at any fault of our parents either. You really trusted your doctors and pediatricians back then. It was an age where you went to the same doctor from age 5 to age 18. I remember seeing my pediatrician at 19, because he'd been my doctor almost my whole life.

It's different now. The world, is different now. The first time I said that we didnt want to have Addison immunized to someone, I was met with, "How can you do that to your child?" and "They'll never let your child go to school". I appreciated your chiding and unsolicited opinion, but really, to all of that, I say, bullshit, and thanks.

We are fortunate with Addison's ped. He's a really great ped number one. Number two, he's open to hearing whatever we have to say, ask etc and meets us with objective information, information we feel is honest and truthful. He will get us any information we ask of him and he is patient and honest. He is also open to doing whatever it is that we'd like him to either do, or not do. We are fortunate. We have friends who are not so fortunate. Some are tongue lashed and ridiculed for asking questions or seeking information. From what we've heard, it sounds more like their peds feel as if they're questioning their skill as a doctor, instead of just hearing it for what it is; parents wanting what's best for their child.

If my friends immunize their children or not, is their business. I will continue to love them and their children, either way. I will continue to say "There's an amazing mama and my strength feeds off of hers". I will not say "She doesnt do what I do for my children, so I cant be associated". I will continue to listen to the information shared by mothers on why they do or do not immunize. I will continue to support those mothers of children affected poorly by the immunizations they've received. As for Addison, the subject of whether she is or isnt immunized, will stay off the market. If you looked at her right now, would you really know? I doubt it. I'm pretty sure you'd just look at her and say, "That's one healthy lookin' baby". Oh, and "Boy, she really is cute" ;)

Napoblomoabobo

So. We're going to do it. We're going to do this blog a day for a whole month. I will try to keep it interesting, sometimes personal, sometimes funny, babycentric but perhaps not baby centered, and much more. Today is simple. We're in. Buckling up, and ready for this ride :) The look on Ad's face says it all lol