The Dark side of a human

I hate you.

I do. I hate everything about you.

You're the only person in my entire life I've genuinely felt this emotion for.

I have faith that one day when I meet God, and ask for his forgiveness, he'll give it to me.

I've known you since we were 13. We were friends. Used to have fun.

In high school, the beginning of my senior year, you asked me out. In front of my friends. We all thought you were so cute and nice.

Could we have been more wrong?

I said yes, and so started a five year venture of love and anger.

After a few years, you wanted everyone but me, yet, you still wanted to control me.

You fat sack of crap.

I'd re chew the gum on my shoe before I'd shake your hand.

I loved you. I gave you my all. Literally.

You crumpled it up like a used piece of paper and threw it away, right in my face.

If you'd spit on me it'd have been less humiliating.

Nothings ever your fault. Just ask you.

Weeks before our wedding, I found out about her. She'd already been around for almost a year.

Fuck you.

I already had the best you've ever given in life growing inside of me.

You hit me.

Bet you thought I was like all the other girls out there huh?

Not me. I hit your ass back.

And then I left. Left you in the dust of life. And guess what? You're still there.

You're still there in that dry burned up vacant land of nothing. Stuck.

Deserving.

I still marvel at how a very small part of you could have been involved in the amazing creation that came of one night.

You, are the darkest side of a human and I only have to deal with you for one more year of my life.

After that, I hope you rot. Me, I'll spend the rest of my life praying to God, Buddha and anyone else who will listen, for that forgiveness.

My first real Friend

We met when we were both in middle school.

I felt instantly connected to you with no idea why.

I was horribly shy.

You, were not.

I wasn't hip or cool, but you still wanted to be my friend.

You exposed me to so much that was fun, and different.

When my parents sent me away that summer, you wrote me all the time. It was the one thing that kept me from feeling alone.

You sent pictures, stickers, little hand made gifts. I'd run the two miles to the mailbox on mail day to see if you'd sent anything. I have those letters to this day.

For a long time, I wished I was you.

The road in my path of memories of you is long. John Lennon. My 16th birthday party. Drill Team road trips that always included a rap or two, the plastic instrument band and Secret Pal gifts. Girl Scouts, your dad's ice hole joke.

Even though we were the same age, I learned a lot from you.

That it was ok to make mistakes because the right people will continue to love you.

That there are families who will love one another forever. Yours took me in from the moment they met me.

You taught me that friendships can survive hurt. Our sophomore year you handed me a note that said you couldn't be my friend anymore.

By our junior year, you were right by my side again and the adventure went on.

You listened to my truths and my lies and never let it change your opinion.

I had a hard time expressing my feelings and emotions, but you had the patience to pull them out of me.

After high school, as many friends do, we made contact from time to time, but had gone in different directions.

Even with time and distance between us, you were the first person I came out to. You didn't care that it was a late phone call. You just loved me.

I'm more thankful to you for that then you'll ever know.

You made me brave that night.

As adults we've reconnected and you're as amazing as ever, if not more.

You do more for other people then anyone I know.

Sharp as a tack, with wit that's faster then light.

You'd never admit to anyone that you're a pure soul, but you are.

I don't think I've ever told you how much you've always meant to me, so I hope you know.

Unique, strong, hard working, with an unparalleled love for life.

Loving wife, mother, friend, humanitarian and so much more. I'm proud and blessed to have you in my life, to say that I know you, and call you my Friend.

You've been one of the most important people in my life from the moment I met you, and I love you in the deepest places of my heart.

Oh Sarah

You sat me down one day when I was nine years old and said, “Michelle, you’re ok, just the way you are.”

I didn’t believe you. If it were true, the other kids wouldn’t make fun of me. My freckles. My red hair. My crooked teeth. My height. My big feet.

Would they?

I wasn’t sure why, but you were patient with me.

You fostered my love of reading. I think of you every time I read Chronicles of Narnia, Lord of the Rings or The Little Prince.

I was a great artist, and you knew it. You had me leading the whale project. A paper mache’ whale, the size of a car, that would hang in the cafeteria. Today, 30 years later, it still hangs there.

You were the only person in my educational career who caused me sadness when I would walk through the classroom door and see a substitute.

A hippy. Long sandy blonde hair. You taught the importance of creativity, individuality and taking care of the environment. Before it was cool to do so.

Anger was never the answer to you. You showed me how patience can create resolve.

You had no tolerance for those, who did not tolerate differences in others.

You convinced me that imagination was every bit as important as math. But I still needed math.

I was incredibly shy and you never forced me the way others did.

I didn’t know, but you took a picture of me one day. While I was reading in class. My stringy hair hung down around my face, my freckles sticking out like chocolate sprinkles.

You developed it in black and white and blew it up into an 8x10 and gave it to me at the end of the year.

You said that I had been your favorite and that the picture was to remind me that you could see who I was and that I was going to be alright.

Sometimes I wish you were around in my adult life, because people don’t always see me.

You will always be in my heart, and thank you for making fourth grade one of the best years of my entire life.