CrossFit is not my Lover

This post was written about yesterday:

I went to CrossFit today.

I left work early for it.

As I often do. Because I love CrossFit way more then work.

So. I went. And when I left.

I cried.

All the way home.

Like a two year old.

Let me back up a little.

This has been a long week. Addison hasnt been sleeping. She's up at least once a night. And when you go to bed between 9 and 10 every night, having to go to work at 4am, once is too much. Needless to say, I've been tired. Shout outs to my many other sleepless mother friends out there. You know who you are.

Work's been challenging. Stupid people irritate me and ignorant people drive me insane. I work with both. I usually do a good job of balancing speaking my mind and knowing when to let things slide. Lately. I've been pretty bitey to say the least. Add to that a co worker who bumped me for my days off, making it increasingly difficult to get to my workouts without burning time. Eff it. Totally worth it. The part I really hate, is that it's a later shift. So, now, by the time I pick up Ad and get home, she's cranky and ready for bed. There goes my time with her.

Our freezer went out Labor Day weekend. The next morning, the refrigerator went out. I had just done a meat run at Costco because of my Paleo challenge. We lost pounds of meat. Chops, ribs, turkey, chicken. You name it. My neighbors made out. Us. Not so much. Challenge interrupted, it was very difficult to keep any kind of focus on nutrition when you have to eat out every day. The fridge just got fixed this last week. So, challenge will start over on Tuesday, but until now, nutrition has SUCKED.

To summarize:

Little sleep. Asshole co workers. Bad nutrition. Strong desire to get my workouts in.

There are other things, but this isnt a 'poor me' bitch session. It's an explanation into a build up.

Today I woke up, especially tired. I had already scheduled myself to get off early so I could get to CrossFit. Even though my body is still reeling from the two days in a row workouts I did the day before yesterday. I needed to go.

So I went.

I wanted to be there, but I knew my face said "I'd rather be anywhere else".

I was beyond tired. Irritated. And tired. And it was hot. Very hot.

The pre workout, workout wore me out. I thought, "I could just work on my pull up drills and rope skills".

No. Do the WOD (workout of the day) says my mind.

Sarah always says, "You can do anything for ** minutes!!!! (insert number of minutes here and then yell it)

She's right. I can do anything for 15 minutes.

Do the WOD.

Ok, I'm doing the WOD.

So, I set up, walk around a little more, stretch and ask Sarah to start the timer before I change my mind.

Today's MetCon WOD was: Three overhead squats with 45lbs/Sprint 200 meters/5 ring dips with one minute rests between rounds.

I hadnt done overhead squats yet, or ever I dont think. Obviously not, because they are difficult.

Frustrating. I didnt expect to pull them off like a champ from the gitgo, but I sure expected to do a little better.

So, first three fails at the overheads and I'm off on my sprint.

My first 200 meter sprint. Well, it started out well. By the time I got to the 100 meter point to turn around, I felt as though someone had given me concrete slippers. Keep going.

Inside for my five very ugly ring dips. One minute rest. Sip of water, and what I know was still that ugly look on my face.

At that moment I thought "CrossFit is not my Lover"

There wasnt even anyone else around. It was me, two trainers and a random person here and there doing their own thing.

I was still frustrated. And I hate feeling like I gave any less then 100% of myself. I just felt like I was running on about 8% total.

Next round. Next round. Next round. I finished a little over four rounds. By the fourth round, I actually did three overhead squats and five decent ring dips. The 200 meter sprint however, was more like a race between a turtle and a rock.

Slow.

I got back inside, logged my workout, stretched a little and drank water. As I sat stretching, I felt a strange ache in my throat. My eyes welled up a little and it kind of caught me off guard.

I finished stretching, watched a couple of guys do some overheads and left.

When I got in my car, I turned it on and sat there for a second and just started to cry. That heavy crying where loud sounds are coming out of your chest.

I drove away and just cried. All the way home. Now. I realize that physical activity can promote release at times. I just wasnt expecting it today. And with myself.

I'm not someone who cries much when I'm so much sad or what not. I'm the one who cries when I'm pissed or frustrated and it's a reaction. I have no problem with that, or putting my shit out there. I just wasnt expecting it.

I gave it some thought and have just decided to leave it to frustration build up and lack of sleep. And irritation that I ever let myself get so out of shape. I didnt start CrossFit expecting to be up to par right away, but I also didnt expect it to be what it is. I'm in it for life though, I can tell that much. I love it.

And now. After venting. Maybe CrossFit is my Lover.