This isnt a happy or positive post, so if that's what you're looking for, you may want to stop here. Life this month has been overwhelming. Over. Whelming. Our child has been sick for about a month now. Not the 'little bit of a snotty nose' kind of sick, but the double ear infection, screaming bloody murder for hours, all of us crying at the same time and now upper respiratory disease sick.
Usually, this would be manageable. Right now, it's pushing the edge of the envelope. In my life, it's usually, works great and home's great, or one is great and one is not so great. Right now, both suck. Really, home never 'sucks' per say, but I'm sorry, I dont have another word for it right now. Work SUCKS. I dont work with people I trust or like and it makes it a miserable lonely place to be.
Our routine at home right now is difficult to say the least. Something that saddens Jen and I is that we dont have family nearby. Most of our friends who are 'family like' live several hours away as well. So, right now, I (I cant speak for Jen) feel very alone and worn out. I get up for work at 4:30am. I have to wake Addison up (which I hate because interrupting her sleep really ruins her day) and take her to work with me to hand off to Jen. This would be the 5 minutes during the first part of the day that I get to see Jen and Ad. It usually ends in Ad crying her eyes out when I try to say goodbye for the day. Fuck.
Then, after working 8 hours or more, Jen goes home and doesnt get to go to sleep, she gets to be up with Ad all day. She naps when she does, which lately, hasnt been much. I get home usually by 4:30 and take over. We try to eat a quick dinner as a family at the table, and Jen goes to sleep. Ad's normal bedtime is between 5:30 and 6:30. Lately, it's been between 7 and midnight. No extra time for cleaning, laundry, making lunches, working out, anything.
Jen wakes up at 9 to shower and go back to work. I go to bed either once Ad does or after I get a few things done. I would say that Jen and I see each other maybe an hour a day total. This causes some stress. This week has been worse because Ad's daycare is on vacation. The weeks before that, she's been sick, so, there hasnt been any relief.
Yesterday, I came home early because Jen was exhausted and Addison was having a bad time. I called in to work today because Jen was up with Addison for hours last night. I was up with the first two painfully sad episodes and she took the rest of the night. I sent her to bed this morning at 5am and took the morning. We both have to go to work tonight and tomorrow morning, but it's really hard.
I sat at the edge of Ad's crib last night while she screamed and cried and grabbed at her ears (she was at a point where she wouldnt let me hold her) and rubbed her back. And cried. I just felt maxed out. I'm angry at her ped because he hasnt been able to bring her any relief. I'm heartbroken because I hate to see her feeling so bad. Things at work make me cringe to have to go there, I cringe to have to leave home when Ad's sick, and I think I still know my wife's name. It's been a long month. And it's only the 10th. I'm venting, so if this jumps around, well, it is what it is. It's not on point, it's not soft and fuzzy, it's a vent.
Unbelievably, right now, she is napping. Thankfully. That poor little thing needs some sleep. More then we do. So, I'm going to get off of this computer and sit, and do nothing. Just for a moment.
12 years ago
