See you Someday

We were crime fighters

You volunteered. The only one who did.

My first day off of probation and you raised your hand.

A man of few words, but mighty in action.

The boot idolized you before the cop became your friend.

I was good. You made me better.

You smoothed my edges, sharpened my sight, hardened my resolve.

Close friends, we'd confide in one another. Your family was mine.

When did it start? That second it all fell apart.

I know the pain of love, the sting of hurt.

You came to me and I was there. We all were.

Tucking you into our shift like a blanket. Protecting

It's what we did

On the upswing, smile across your face, life was moving forward

Brief moments

We all sat in briefing wondering where you were. "Sick" they said.

Two day later

Still sick

Still?

I wonder if you felt it was still the right thing to do

Cold blue steel pressed against your temple.

Did it still feel right? At that moment?

Did you picture their little faces? Picture the big ones.

We failed you.

I failed you.

Therapy's taught me that I didnt

But part of me will never believe it

I never read your letter. I never will.

You didnt have to see you children's faces

I did

You didnt have to live. Survive

I did

I'll always hate you, always be angry at you.

I'll always love you, always miss you.

And someday, I might forgive you

and me.