Cross Fit

Just a small break from my 30 days of intensity lol. A lot of people have been asking about the lifestyle Jen and I just started, so I thought I'd put it out there.

Most of you know I work out pretty consistently. I've been very frustrated the last few months, because no matter how 'on' my nutrition has been, or how many two a day workouts I've done, not much has changed. So, for the last month, I've just kind of sat back a lot and tried to figure out which direction to go in next.

I'm fortunate to have a sister and brother in law who are ridiculously fit and kind. I thought this was a rare combination. Until they told me about Cross Fit. They attend a Cross Fit 'Box' as it's called, down in southern Cali. During my last visit a few weeks ago, I expressed frustration over my lack of progress. They extoled the virtues of Cross Fit convinced and me to check it out.

I'd looked at what I thought were all of the Cross Fit's in our area and didnt feel like it was something we were going to be able to do. Everything was too far, or too expensive. I'm still not sure why, but during those first few days of searching, the Cross Fit we ended up joining wasnt showing up. Suddenly one day, there it was, Diablo Cross Fit. At first, the plan was for me to join, and if Jen thought she might like it, she'd join later. I really wanted her to join, but I figured I'd let her make the decision. So, we made our appointment to go check it out.

I was addicted the second I walked through the roll-up door. It's not your typical 24 Hour Fitness 'gym' with treadmills, universal machines etc. It's gymnastic rings, medicine balls, walls full of weight bars and racks and a lot of sweat. Pain in the air and people all around who are loving it. The perfect sick environment for me. Life changing. Which is what I've been looking for. The trainers we met all have flawless bodies, and attitudes to match. You wouldnt expect it. They're all really kind, positive and open to any and everyone willing to give their all.

It was such a positive visit that Jen ended up joining with me the same day. Cross Fits are very family oriented which is another unique aspect of it all. Everyone at our Box has small children and brings them with them to workouts. It's kind of funny because the first day I went, there was a super fit dad, jumping rope, with his six month old little boy about two feet away in a stroller having a bottle. Awesome. They do family nights at Chevy's and other family oriented events. They do co-op type buying for organic foods, nutrition classes and on an on.

It's the environment and support system I've been searching for, and the right fit. The fact that Jen is willing to do it, and come together with the nutrition at home, is also one of the components that's been missing. It's painful right now, but it's going to be more then worth it. It's tough. I'm tired a lot, very sore, but again, worth every second. Plus, I like a little pain, so it's right up my alley ;) I'll be done with the Elements classes as of Friday. You have to do four elements classes before you can get into the regular classes. I'm excited and terrified all at the same time.

I'm nervous before every class. They say that that's good, so I'm already doing something right lol. So, there you have it. It's very new, but I see this being a long term life changing decision.

Sunrise, Sunset

Quote "If love were a choice, who would choose such exquisite pain?"

I never chose to love you. From the moment we met, it just was.

As though it had never been any different

In like a tornado and out like a hurricane

A conscious life is what you brought me.

You broke my walls down, and leaving the gift of communication

I had never experienced anyone like you, and after;

I never wanted to again.

Around you I was high. Drunk in a whirlwind of love

That spiraled out of control.

From the first moment, you told me

You know this ends badly, right?"

I didnt care.

I was like a Heroine addict with an unlimited supply

No breathing room, between love and pain, as the song goes

Part of my path, you taught me how love should be

And later, how it shouldnt.

You ripped me open to look inside and showed me how to do it on my own

We had fun unlike any i've ever had. Loved like never before.

Laughed and lived the same way

When the crash came, you admitted that fear caused you to balk

Leaving me out in the cold

and alone.

You once said you didnt know how, but you'd fallen in love with me

I held those words in my heart from the second they passed your lips

Suddenly, confrontation wiped your memory clean

So much right. So much wrong.

I could never hate you. I only know because I've tried.

You made me feel like I had never lived before we met

But your selfishness proved that you were never my friend

I'm not sure which broke my heart the most.

In spite of the pain, I'm thankful to you

for coming into my life

bringing me up

destroying me

because now

I'm better then I ever was.

See you Someday

We were crime fighters

You volunteered. The only one who did.

My first day off of probation and you raised your hand.

A man of few words, but mighty in action.

The boot idolized you before the cop became your friend.

I was good. You made me better.

You smoothed my edges, sharpened my sight, hardened my resolve.

Close friends, we'd confide in one another. Your family was mine.

When did it start? That second it all fell apart.

I know the pain of love, the sting of hurt.

You came to me and I was there. We all were.

Tucking you into our shift like a blanket. Protecting

It's what we did

On the upswing, smile across your face, life was moving forward

Brief moments

We all sat in briefing wondering where you were. "Sick" they said.

Two day later

Still sick

Still?

I wonder if you felt it was still the right thing to do

Cold blue steel pressed against your temple.

Did it still feel right? At that moment?

Did you picture their little faces? Picture the big ones.

We failed you.

I failed you.

Therapy's taught me that I didnt

But part of me will never believe it

I never read your letter. I never will.

You didnt have to see you children's faces

I did

You didnt have to live. Survive

I did

I'll always hate you, always be angry at you.

I'll always love you, always miss you.

And someday, I might forgive you

and me.